Starting a new relationship can be filled with romantic dates, chocolates and roses. And though we as humans will experience something so magical, we at times, can forget the impact of our hidden flaws.
These flaws can stem from just about anything: personal appearance, knowledge, to what people think- to even some of the most obvious reasons.
Whether or not your previous relationship left you feeling uncertain, uneasy, or doubtful about the next; you have got to remember before entering a relationship, to leave all baggage at the back door.
Why is this so important?
A relationship is like an agreement: nourished with passion, lust, and solidified by trust. If you enter that agreement with doubts, then you will never be fully satisfied, and will never be able to make the most out of your deal.
Baggage, as we know it, can come in all forms. But despite your insecurities, you’ve got to be able to take control and not let it consume your thoughts. In doing so, you’ll be able to breathe effortlessly and enjoy the benefits from not only your other half, but from yourself.
And for those who choose not to take this advice, ask yourself this: “Why enter a relationship with the expectations of failing?”
Public bath houses are one of the oldest communal traditions that date back to the Indus Valley Civilization (present day Pakistan & western India) 3300-1300 BCE.
Continuing through the height of both the Ancient Greek and Roman Empires (but not limited to), this was a place for people to bathe, relax and socialize with others in the community.
And through the years Public Bathhouses have managed to maintain it’s popularity through various subcultures.
But when you think of Bathhouses, or it’s more mainstream term, the Saunas- your mind tends to rewind and play those infamous scenes of Brian Kinney in Queer as Folk. And as sensationalized Queer as Folk may have been on particular subjects, I have to agree that the director of the show had to have experienced the Saunas- because it’s depiction and accuracy of the Baths was undeniably true.
Walking into one of Central London’s biggest- yet somehow underground sauna, I couldn’t help but be a bit nervous as I walked through the entrance and paid 15pounds. (For those back in the US- thats roughly 25.00 USD)
Though this wasn’t my first time going to a sauna in London, this particular one was intriguing to me because of its size. Oh and, let me not forget, I was going on a Saturday night at 4am. (It’s location is in that of a london club district that is known for its heavy drug use and 24hr raving- on the weekends)
After stripping down until the only thing left was a thing towel around my waist, I turned to my friend and proceeded to leave the changing room and vicariously live those exciting days of being gay in the 70s (New York & San Francisco).
The entire Sauna was dark. Unless you have perfect vision, you could hardly see the end of the hallway- but that added to the atmosphere.
As we turned corners we decided to sit in the actual heat/sweat room. Not only five minutes into the room, was a boy summoned by another, sitting in the corner. The two started giving oral sex as everyone else sat, sweated, and looked around checking each other out.
We decided to leave the heatroom shortly after, unveiling a much more darker room than the one previously mentioend. It was in the dark room where beds were lined up across both sides of the wall, with the only lighting shimmering from flat screen televisions showing gay porn.
In the dark room men were laying on their stomachs and backs. Some were sleep and some weren’t. Some were having oral sex, while some were dreaming about it.
As we watched, we saw one guy actually in a deep sleep- snoring. Now, I’ve heard stories about guys who check into the saunas on a Friday night and not coming out until Sunday or even Monday mornings- but I just assumed the story was embelleshed. Now it seemed believable.
After leaving the room, we heard a bit of commotion, in which one of the cleaners asked everyone to step aside so that he could clean up the “blood” which was on the floor.
We decided to turn the corner, walking past small closet spaces with doors- some closed, and some opened with men standing in the doorway. “This is where you pick up a guy,” I said to my friend. Young and old, men of all ages, at least of legal age, they checked our ids, were standing in the doorways.
If someone was interested, the unwritten rule is to make a “pass,” which is generally a light touch to your arm or your waist.
We decided to make a conversation with boy who made a pass at us. He was standing in one of the doorways, and seemed to be of around the same age (mid 20s). He was very attractive; tall, tan skin, black hair and nice eyes. We asked him what he was doing there and through answering- he asked us the same thing. We couldn’t really give a reason, except, “we thought we’d check this place out.”
After a short lived conversation, we walked away for a few minutes. We came back and his door was shut. Curiously wanting to see what was going on, we knocked on his door several times. After no answer, we realized it was a private shag.
We spent the next hour walking around back and forth between the various rooms. After deciding it was time to go, we headed toward the showers to help restore our sanity. The showers were in a community room, with no seperation or division of clear space. No longer a surprise, were men hooking up.
After my experience at the Sauna, I spoke to a man about the concept in its entirey. He explained, that the mere reason for their existence and popularity in gay sub culture is that the surrounding communities would rather have it confined in one space- as opposed to being out in the open.
What do you all think? Have you been to a sauna, and if not, would you go?
The sexiest thing in a man is honesty. Someone sincere and true to their words and feelings can be quite the turn on- even if he is shagging multiple guys.
Well when you’re honest, you’ve not only shown that you have respect for that person’s feelings (no matter how they might react), but you’re also living up to yourself. In truth you have become that one person that people respect because you don’t consider judgment to be a factor when being honest.
But don’t take it wrong people. Some might think that because one is so open and honest that he might be the one hurting in the end, or that by showing his vulnerable side, he’ll be left in situations where people are able to use his honesty against him.
Though this might happen, if you’ve lived your ways as being open and honest (no matter what you do), then you have no shame. And you have no reason to feel any shame. Life is life and sex is sex.
In the end its the man who is honest with his emotions, feelings and reactions that prevails. This is because people are able to see the real him and not him as some fictional character. And when people see the real you, they begin to understand you.
Coming out stories can always be a good laugh or cry for the simple fact that no one is the same. We all come from different backgrounds, religious beliefs, and for some- different countries.
I was asked recently to write a post on Coming Out if “you’re family is from another country or if they are anti-gay.” So how does one exactly do that?
I’d imagine in a country like the United States where we typically like to view ourselves as being liberal and equal opportunity for all, we’d imagine coming out to be not such an issue… or as in that’s so 80s of you to care. But truth be told, America is not like that. (We’re still having issues over race and sexual orientation just take a look at the political system) And if you’re not living in a metropolitan city (as like the majority of America) you’re chances of coming from a more conservative family is high and likely.
So I have a question for anyone who has come from another country (living in the US) or a family with anti-gay views; have you come out to them? And if not, does this affect the kinds of guys you date?
You never know when you’ll meet that certain someone. And thanks to Disney and its fairytale weddings, we as society, typically believe we’re able to change that one person or help them overcome an obstacle, in the event of finding our True Love. A brilliant idea in theory, but a not-so-good idea in the long run; especially when it comes to dating on the down low.
Not be confused with being closeted (a guy whos just not out), a guy that is on the down low is a bit more extreme. He will typically do everything sexual with a man- even finding himself emotionally attached, but in the end he will forever say, “this is only temporary.” If this is the case, then why does he keep coming back?
I’d like to blame society. It’s taught gay men to hate themselves, specifically the media. When was the last time you saw a variety of personalities from homosexual men on television? The standard has become: pretentious, gaudy, anorexic, or feminine. Yes, I know, we had Karamo from the real world- but even if he wasn’t enough man to help these boys think differently about themselves. Oh, and as for Anderson Cooper… Has he openly talked about his sexuality yet? (Yes America, this is an issue- until we are all given the same rights as heterosexuals)
Not only does the media have a particular role, but so does the church. As long as preachers are stating that it’s against God’s will to be homosexual, and preaching about Nuclear families we will have a problem with men on the down low. If you, the preacher, have never experienced being gay, who are you to say that it’s not something we are born with?
This post isn’t going to criticize religion, but I happen to believe we are gay for a reason. We are gay because it’s a blessing and not a curse.
And on the subject of Nuclear family– that the preacher or man on the down low might so often propose, how often do you see gay men and women neglecting their children on the news? I’d like to see some statistics showing same sexed partners as unfit parents. Difference is, we can’t just “slip” and end up with a child, like heterosexuals can. Therefore, we have to plan for a child. And nine times out of ten, when you plan for something, you have better results.
So all in all, the stigma that surrounds the men of the down low, is coming from society itself. When these men are forced to hide in a cage and deny their true existence because of a religion, profession, or family they act out of character. That doesn’t mean sympathize and date them, but rather empathize and hope that they one day come to a realization of life.
And if you’ve been shagging a boy on the down low, you can stay with him and hope that he’ll change his ways; but at the end of the day, the only thing you are left with is hope. Do yourself a favor, for the long-term benefit: don’t get involved with these types of relationships. Unless you want to be just that homeboy to his family and friends, dating on the down low is beneficial to no one, and certainly not the heart.
A close friend this past weekend explained his side in the aftermath of a good-holiday-gone-bad (boyfriend style).
To keep this scenario coherent and understanding to all, fake names will be used to help describe my close friend and his boyfriend.
My friend John and his boyfriend Jack had been dating for several months. Every month they would break-up, but something would quickly lead them back into each others arms, and next thing you know: any argument they once had would quickly disappear.
They decided to take a romantic holiday together to Prague and Milan . Well, with Jack being from Prague, he introduced John to his friends from back home. They decided to go out to a club one night and John got the chance to meet one of Jack’s former dancing buddies, Mark. (Jack is a professional dancer)
John and Mark hit it off pretty well, probably a lot more than most would prefer. Jack began noticing the two getting very close, and shortly after, John and Mark began “dating.” I use the term dating loosely in this scenario- they went out to a few dinner/lunches and had a couple hook ups- all the while Jack was watching.
Its important to make this one part clear: Jack actually told John that he was okay with this.
After they left Prague and went to Milan, there were a few arguments and a bit of tension in the air, as it would be for most common couples.
In Milan, John fancied a few quys but didn’t make any direct approaches. Though Jack allowed John to date his friend in Prague, he wasn’t quite keen on a few of the looks John was getting/giving from other boys in Milan.
Eventually this lead to an argument with Jack waking up to a text message from Johns good girlfriend (i.e. fag hag). The text message read, “Hey, I know it’s tough but be strong, there are plenty of other boys out there for you.”
John was confused and asked his boyfreind Jack about the text message. After the discussion, both boys confirmed that they were no longer together and broken up for good this time.
Now the two boys were staying in a very nice hotel in Milan, so they didn’t want just a break up to ruin their trip.
John went his seperate way and decided to approach some of the guys he fancied- one in particular who had a boyfriend. They decided to have a few dinners at a couple nice restaurants, and then one night- they had sex.
Jack decided to get on Grindr (the notorious iphone application which enables you to locate the closest gay in your vicinity.)
John and Jack realized what each other was doing, and had a few more arguements. To make a long story short, the last night they were in the hotel with each other, they fought, and then had break up sex.
Now the question at hand is, do guys really think with their Penises more than their heart? Or was this couple really just not meant to be?
Credit: The title of the post came from a song that John wrote about his relationship with Jack, after returning to London.
During the holidays, most couples and long-term shags like to fill the Christmas spirit with laying next to a nice open fire, or cuddling in a soft bed.
And it’s during this time that people have coined the term “Baby making season.” Luckily, for us gays, we dont have to worry about that.
But if you think that just because you are in a same-sex relationship, you might not have to follow some of the same rules that heterosexuals do. I’m here to tell you, you’ve been duked.
Unless your man is a fan of body hair (in all places- and not just chest), you might want to take into consideration one practice that has started to become a mainstream tool in the more recent years.
It’s called the Boyzilian wax. A technique, which has dated back to Brazil in 1500 AD, this wax has molded itself into being the new private hair removal for men.
When most guys think of Boyzilians, they tend to think of the excrutiating pain that is associated with it. I’m here to tell you, it’s not that bad.
The worse part about the entire process will probably be losing any dignity or self pride you once had. And let’s face it, being gay in your 20s…. I’m sure that’s been lost ages ago.
The standard description for a Boyzilian reads, “back sack and crack.”
The back and crack refers to the removal of hair from both your glutes and the inner lining of the hair around your bumhole. This process is quite funny in theory. Most likely your salonist will ask you to get on all fours and “arch your back.” Don’t be shy, it’s a position everyone’s been in before, including your salonist.
If you’re wondering about the sack area, I hear it depends on where you go. The place I enjoyed my experience, placed the hot wax around the sack for several minutes allowing it to take shape and mold around that section of my body.
As this was taking shape, my salonist was waxing other parts. After letting the wax mold for a couple of minutes, the salonist pealed it off, gently, to help protect the skin, but to also make sure it was smooth and clean.
So if you’re wondering about that special gift to give your true love on the 1st day of Christmas, try a Boyzilian- as it will be sure to leave both you and your baby happy for the remainder of Holiday Season.