Category Archives: Lies

Dating DL

You never know when you’ll meet that certain someone. And thanks to Disney and its fairytale weddings, we as society, typically believe we’re able to change that one person or help them overcome an obstacle, in the event of finding our True Love. A brilliant idea in theory, but a not-so-good idea in the long run; especially when it comes to dating on the down low.

Not be confused with being closeted (a guy whos just not out), a guy that is on the down low is a bit more extreme. He will typically do everything sexual with a man- even finding himself emotionally attached, but in the end he will forever say, “this is only temporary.” If this is the case, then why does he keep coming back?

I’d like to blame society. It’s taught gay men to hate themselves, specifically the media. When was the last time you saw a variety of personalities from homosexual men on television? The standard has become: pretentious, gaudy, anorexic, or feminine. Yes, I know, we had Karamo from the real world- but even if he wasn’t enough man to help these boys think differently about themselves. Oh, and as for Anderson Cooper… Has he openly talked about his sexuality yet? (Yes America, this is an issue- until we are all given the same rights as heterosexuals)

Not only does the media have a particular role, but so does the church. As long as preachers are stating that it’s against God’s will to be homosexual, and preaching about Nuclear families we will have a problem with men on the down low. If you, the preacher, have never experienced being gay, who are you to say that it’s not something we are born with?

This post isn’t going to criticize religion, but I happen to believe we are gay for a reason. We are gay because it’s a blessing and not a curse

And on the subject of Nuclear family– that the preacher or man on the down low might so often propose, how often do you see gay men and women neglecting their children on the news? I’d like to see some statistics showing same sexed partners as unfit parents. Difference is, we can’t just “slip” and end up with a child, like heterosexuals can. Therefore, we have to plan for a child. And nine times out of ten, when you plan for something, you have better results.

So all in all, the stigma that surrounds the men of the down low, is coming from society itself. When these men are forced to hide in a cage and deny their true existence because of a religion, profession, or family they act out of character. That doesn’t mean sympathize and date them, but rather empathize and hope that they one day come to a realization of life.

And if you’ve been shagging a boy on the down low, you can stay with him and hope that he’ll change his ways; but at the end of the day, the only thing you are left with is hope. Do yourself a favor, for the long-term benefit: don’t get involved with these types of relationships. Unless you want to be just that homeboy to his family and friends,  dating on the down low is beneficial to no one, and certainly not the heart.

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Plastic love.

A close friend this past weekend explained his side in the aftermath of a good-holiday-gone-bad (boyfriend style).

To keep this scenario coherent and understanding to all, fake names will be used to help describe my close friend and his boyfriend.

My friend John and his boyfriend Jack had been dating for several months. Every month they would break-up, but something would quickly lead them back into each others arms, and next thing you know: any argument they once had would quickly disappear.

 They decided to take a romantic holiday together to Prague and Milan . Well, with Jack being from Prague, he introduced John to his friends from back home. They decided to go out to a club one night and John got the chance to meet one of Jack’s former dancing buddies, Mark. (Jack is a professional dancer)

John and Mark hit it off pretty well, probably a lot more than most would prefer. Jack began noticing the two getting very close, and shortly after, John and Mark began “dating.” I use the term dating loosely in this scenario- they went out to a few dinner/lunches and had a couple hook ups- all the while Jack was watching.

Its important to make this one part clear: Jack actually told John that he was okay with this.

After they left Prague and went to Milan, there were a few arguments and a bit of tension in the air, as it would be for most common couples.

In Milan, John fancied a few quys but didn’t make any direct approaches. Though Jack allowed John to date his friend in Prague, he wasn’t quite keen on a few of the looks John was getting/giving from other boys in Milan.

Eventually this lead to an argument with Jack waking up to a text message from Johns good girlfriend (i.e. fag hag).  The text message read, “Hey, I know it’s tough but be strong, there are plenty of other boys out there for you.”

John was confused and asked his boyfreind Jack about the text message. After the discussion, both boys confirmed that they were no longer together and broken up for good this time.

Now the two boys were staying in a very nice hotel in Milan, so they didn’t want just a break up to ruin their trip.

John went his seperate way and decided to approach some of the guys he fancied- one in particular who had a boyfriend. They decided to have a few dinners at a couple nice restaurants, and then one night- they had sex.

Jack decided to get on Grindr (the notorious iphone application which enables you to locate the closest gay in your vicinity.)

John and Jack realized what each other was doing, and had a few more arguements. To make a long story short, the last night they were in the hotel with each other, they fought, and then had break up sex.

Now the question at hand is, do guys really think with their Penises more than their heart? Or was this couple really just not meant to be?

Credit: The title of the post came from a song that John wrote about his relationship with Jack, after returning to London.


Brokenheart blues

“There are those among us who are blessed with the power to save what is loved by another, but powerless to use this blessing for love themselves.”

If you have ever been in love this is for you. What exactly is Love? It’s more than just a human connection with sex. It’s something so unexplainable and so magical, yet tragic because it leaves you vulnerable and weak when you’re without it. Some respect it and cherish it more than others. But that doesn’t neccesarily mean they dont appreciate it, or that they dont want it.

When the time comes and that spark is no longer there, that flame is no longer as strong as you once thought.. your life can feel like its crashing down. It can feel like the nothing else in the world matters, and you’re back down to zero. You have nothing, and you are nothing, without that person.

 It’s normal to feel like this, and in fact it’s a blessing in disguise. These feelings reinforce the idea that you’re human, and it defines the purity that is still in your heart. Your biggest triumph will be realizing that you can in deed restore the love you once had for yourself. Take that energy and focus on the essentials. It’s alright to hate that person, but hate with the intentions of moving forward, and eventually come to acceptance. 

In the mean time try these simple steps:

1. Working out: Try taking a yoga class (Perhaps Bikrams, you sweat in 104 F temperatures and it helps clear your mind and become centered with your body)

2. Fill up your time with friends, family and love. Food for thought? Try baking a cake with friends, or enjoying a day in the park.

3. Read a new book: This is one of the most influential things when it comes to getting over a break up. You are allowing yourself to escape reality for a few hours a day.

And most importantly, restore that energy you once gave away, and focus on you.