Love Game

It’s been quite a while since I last updated this- and not because of laziness or insecurity in making my thoughts public, but because for a while I felt like I couldn’t write. I don’t want to be a blogger who forces anything out, if that was the case, all of my words and thoughts would genuinely lack meaning and would just be just plain rubbish. I’d rather be a blogger where people can actually find comfort and security while reading these posts.

So to give you all a heads up in the dating and love world, I’ve got a new topic. When are you doing too much?

I recently went on a date with a guy who seemed like he had a good head on his shoulders. He was in his early 20s, in school, working two jobs, very attractive, didn’t smoke and didn’t drink much. So why was he still single? Well we got on the subject, and after talking, he expressed to me he couldn’t understand why the last guy he pursued didn’t work out. He said, “I did everything I could, I played the game right… Didn’t text too often, waited to respond, I didn’t want to seem pressed.”

After he told me that, I said to him, “Maybe that was the problem. You were playing this game right back with him. Perhaps, you should’ve just expressed how you felt from the start- if you’re interested in him then show it. Don’t wait to return messages, try giving him a ring.”

Well, in any event he didn’t take heed to my advice, and when he began to play that same game with me, I stopped responding- and not because this was a “tic for tac” but because dealing with those kinds of games go against my morals.

So let’s fast track a little more forward. There’s a guy who I’ve shown interest in, and he knows it, as well as our mutual friends. But at times I feel like my expression of gratitude isn’t always well received. Not to say that he is by any means rude, but I feel in the sense that it’s not well received because, well he just doesn’t always respond back. And although when I’m around him I feel like the shooting stars are flying around, I don’t want to be naive enough to sacrifice my beliefs for something that could simply just  be a long-time crush.

As mentioned before, I’m not one who likes to play “the game.” I’d rather be upfront and honest, and sometimes wear my heart on my sleeve. And if that gets me hurt, well so be it. And if I live by that, then at least I can learn and grow from whatever my heart has received.


Sex in Crazy Places

In 2011, and more specifically less-conservative America, you come across friends during spoken tales of sex in crazy places. And though this post might seem more graphic than not, I figured it might be a fun and light way to shimmer over the summer months.

Traditionally, sex in a bedroom, is the normative thought when it comes to the how to properly engage in intimacy with your other half. But despite this train of thought- and the little engine that could, who’s to say what’s normal and what’s not. If you want to spice up and add a little seasoning to your sex life, try something new. And no, I’m not saying to add a third person to the relationship- (unless you and your partner have gone over the complications and after effects of post-three-some sex) – venturing out into the wild is not always such a crazy idea.

After speaking with friends and colleagues, I’ve come to unravel the idea that sex in the bathroom is typically the most talked about place when it comes to public spaces. Maybe it’s because it’s not as scandalous and risque as sex on a park bench during day light- but it still gives you a sense of thrill, and always a great story to discuss when reflecting on the relationship.

The second place, more casual – though slightly more scandalous than a bathroom was in a car. Now, despite this sounding cliche like a 1980s Bette Midler movie, this can either give you the stars, moons and the flying white doves – or maybe just a really bad back. Not to forget, most people that I spoke to, when  engaging in this sort of intimacy- was often caught. Not sure, why?

The last place- and though no one I’ve spoken to have done this yet, but I’ve so often thought about the level of ambiance this can possess – is a roof top terrace. With dimly lit candles, and a little whip cream here and there – a couple’s sex life can be transformed from sterile to vibrant in less than 24hrs.

So the next time you and your other half – or shag – is experiencing a drought during the summer months, try a few simple steps to revitalize your intimacy, and embrace the thrill of sex in crazy places.


Sexuality: Cultural Differences

So often have I held the conviction that closeted men are just scared of the future and are late in blossoming into their inner-beings. Most recently, I’ve had the opportunity to travel into the middle east – specifically, Jordan and now Turkey – and my ideas have changed.

People are influenced by culture and surroundings. And though the views of homosexuality in the middle east express that it’s somewhat non-existent, I’m beginning to believe that the idea of coming out is heavily dependent on one’s family morality.

If you’re in a society where it doesn’t culturally exist, how can you expect to suddenly alter your views throughout the chaotic confusion of sexuality. Sexual preference is taught at a young age: boys will be boys and girls will be girls.The intermixing of the two genders instantaneously result in dating the opposite sex – and when family values surface at the center, it’s harder for a man or that woman to fully embrace their independent feelings.

If you’re with someone that isn’t out, don’t suddenly deny their attention. Depending on the depth of your friendship, you might be the person he or she needs to help unveil the suppressed feelings and eventually come to terms with their natural preferences.


One for the paper, two for the love.. Give me a break.

Inspired by the song Buyou by Keri Hilson, but not really. I’ve had this topic on my mind for quite some time now. The topic is what most of us question when dating: love v. money

So often have I read horror stories of people dating someone broke.

I say the word broke in a the most simple of contexts. The definition of the word broke, surrounding today’s post, defines a person as “He/she that cannot provide.”

If you’ve started a relationship in which you’re incessantly paying for the other person, I’ve got to question- your reasoning. How is this benefiting you? Sure, relationships are all about the giving, but if you’re not receiving, then when where’s the equilibrium?

It’s not always a necessity to own a Mercedes (though it would be nice)- but if you don’t have a car; then you should at least know the bus routes.

And when it comes to going out on dates (car-less), get creative with it. Pull up to the house with a taxi waiting outside; I’ll pretend we’re in a Hollywood film from the ’60s.

If you’re doing the whole BMW (Bus/Metro/Walk), have the aspirations of one day, owning it.

“Was looking for a man to hold me down, so how did I end up with you?”

There is no justification in being in a relationship with someone who cannot provide for you, that of which you can already provide for yourself. Call it rude, or insensitive– but its attitude’s like this, that get us into borderline embarrassing situations.

Too often are guys settling for less. If a man isn’t on your level, then relax. It’s just the universes way of saying “your time isn’t ready.”  Don’t force anything; take a few seconds to better you. And within time, you will come across a man who will have the proper credentials, but in the most uncanny way- which again upholds the truth that love is not simple.

Climbing up that ladder with the full-time job, tell me how you ended up with a full time slob?

 

Check out Keri Hilsons “Buyou” : Buyou (Feat. J. Cole)


Remember love.

A good friend earlier said, “the more you argue, the more you show you’re appreciation and love for one another.” And though it took me a second to fully understand, once explained, I knew exactly what he was talking about.

When you argue with someone, you’re showing your effort to keep something alive- something more deeper than the principle at hand. If this wasn’t the case, then you would’ve essentially walked away from the situation. And though walking away might seem safer at times, it’s not the safest route in the realms of longevity and kinship.

Why?

I believe walking away, is like giving up on a fight. And when the fight is surrounding the topic of love, it’s not an easy win/lose situation. Both parties get hurt walking away. If your partner is arguing with you, he is essentially trying to let you know what is affecting them. The next time you and your partner argue, don’t walk away. The next time he pushes you past the edge of the tipping point- try remembering- if he didn’t want this to work, he would’ve walked away a while ago.

Remember love.


Falling for an angel.

There are few people in this lifetime who have the ability to leave a tiny dimple in the middle of your heart. And despite what age you happen to be, they often come when you least expect.

Tradition, morality, society, and culture have all embedded in our minds that those angels, with their special powers, can only come once in a lifetime. Truth be told, there’s no limit to how many might enter your life. And since love is not simple, nor is it meant to be, who is to say you will only experience one.

Most often than not, an angel will enter your life to help teach you something about yourself- whether it’s in the course of love and relationships, to spiritual or self growth. But for whatever reason, when it’s time to leave- don’t try to hold on- for they were only meant for a specific time already spent.

If you happen to be in the midst of one of these rarities, don’t think about the end coming. Embrace the present, and forgive the future- for you will be better off appreciating the time well spent.


Lost in the storm

The worst part of a breakup is the lingering mist that continues to fuel any hope of ever rekindling those emotions you once had for that special person. There’s never a right or wrong time to shake free of that mist and truly solidify your emotional independence. And only you- with the emotional dependency, will know when the time is right.

To help distinguish that time, especially for those who haven’t felt it, it generally comes after one has endured so much attrition. I know of a story of a young man who fell deeply in love with another who was similar in age. And despite their general arguments, it wasn’t until several years later he was finally able to realize that some people just aren’t meant to be together. Far too many times will young men and women lose themselves in love, and sincerely believe that going through the storm is all part of acts of love. But there comes a point when all storms dissipate, and the waters of love are once again calm.

If you’re storm has yet to pass, and you feel you’ve given all you can- why hold on?